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Fizah Norazmi
This is only half of my life in words
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 Fizah
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Monday, February 28, 2011
ive been watching hannah montana forever ever since i reached home. im just so miserable and i need something to distract me. i'd really hope you'd say yes. please, i would trade anything and give you anything and do anything just to get you back in my life. bring me wherever you go and whatever you do. you can do whatever you want and i will be there cheering you on, just dont leave me behind. cause your commitment is all i ever need. now i realized that you were and would always be the best i ever had. some people need to lose someone to know how much that someone means to them. and i was them. this is only our first time that everything really ended. so why not give a second chance cause i believe it will be wayy better then before, i just need your cooperation and your commitment. please? give it another chance? baby, just say yes. Sunday, February 27, 2011
i miss everything about you. the smoothness of your arm that i never fail to caress whenever we're in the bus. laying my head on your upper arm cause its just so comfy. kissing your soft cheeks cause it just felt right. and that thin layer of skin just beneath your eyes that always caught my attention for no apparent reason when i stare at your eyes. and your cute-baby-like-playful facial expression just before you start doing something playful. what about your dimples that i always over-looked. and the sound of your laughter when something just tickles you. and that mangkuk hair of yours. and yeah, though i never said it before, you look ubber-cute actually. and i love your curls right at the end of your hair; they're like baby curls from baby's hair. the way you say "Awww!" when i said something sweet to you. your smell by itself could give me pleasure in my heart , like nothing in this world matters except for you. the way you kissed my forehead making me feel so so special. i miss all these little things. and i would trade anything just to get all these back. i love you and i miss you, eternally. someone a part of my lfe, someone i could not live without whether i like it or not. tired and not moving on. tired that im always giving others a thought when im the one that needed to carry all the burden. not that im being not sincere, its just unfair. Friday, February 25, 2011
 quick update, then im heading to bed. im awfully sick. i feel like shitty shit-shit. i vomitted in the morning and it was all foam-y. when i thought i was feeling better, then throat was giving me problems. i had laksa for dinner, but i ate half and everything came right back out. yeap, i vomitted in public. thank god syirah was there to help. she bought me plain water. so i went back home early cause of headache plus nausea plus giddy-ness. dear body, please please please get well soon. im gonna give you some rest so i'll be all better by tomorrow morning. i wanna enjoy my day at Ubin. please body, iloveyou. Thursday, February 24, 2011
im picking up the pieces slowly. but its too slow and im getting desperate. i really hope i can delete everything, but even if i can, i wont be able to do it. sometimes, i do hope that none of this would happen, from the camp onwards till whatever happens now. but i know that there's nothing much i can do. i really thought what we had was strong and we were invincible. i thought nothing could ever bring us down. we conquered a 10 day myanmar trip but it takes just afew pieces of paper to crumble us down? and to think that these few pieces of paper could never bring anyone's happiness no matter how much there is. i couldnt imagine life without you and now i'm living it. and if this is how it really is, i'd rather not live it which leads to you being my everything. you asked about the dream, how could i tell you its about you? and you think, its easy for me to just say "go find someone better" ? its hard as hell and i was crying so bad when i said that. but i want you to know that its ok to move on though it hurts me and plus, the truth is i dont want you to move on. but that will be selfish of me. you should move on anytime and i have no right to stop you cause im nothing anymore to you. afew months back, I was YOUR everything. but now, im nothing to you. absolutely nothing. life is just so very hard without you around. even 65 seems longer without you. even if it takes years for me to get you outta my head, then i will do it. happyhappyhappy !! Today was better then yesterday . i definitely had a blast at the Army Open House . the lorry ride, ahh yes . that was the best ! andand, after that we had revision in the lab, and i actually paid attention and i actually understand what the teacher is talking about . miracle ! thank god, she went through the topics on proteins and carbohydrates cause those were the ones i was weak at. okay, im gonna go study for my test on Monday ! byeeeee. (: Wednesday, February 23, 2011
 "Everytime i look at the moon, it reminds me of you. To me, the moon is you. Always lighting up the dark side of my life." sounds familiar ? i'll give you a hint. its not from me. sometimes i feel depreciated and belittled. cause people doesnt seem to appreciate my presence. its either they took advantage of me and my feelings or they just pretend like i dont exist at all. i tried to make people happy, even if it means losing my own happiness. i was there when someone needed a friend but when i needed a shoulder to cry on or just simply a hug, i dont receive any especially from the people i expect the most. sorry, if im just someone you could live without, but i didnt asked to be born in this world. if i had a choice, i'd rather not exist. Monday, February 21, 2011
 after i found out what you did, i thought half of my suffering was gone. but today suddenly everything came back and it hit me hard and i found myself unable to stop the tears. it was out of my control. i didnt have the house key so i wandered of somewhere alone since school ended early today. but a good friend called me up and i cried right then and there. i force myself to stop the tears but it was almost impossible. i felt stupid and i know i look stupid so i ran to the toilet and cried as hard as i could. i felt better and meet her at tamp . she was with her bf and i felt bad for ruining their time but i desperately need someone to be with or else i'll breakdown again. after that i felt better but i know this is gonna happen again, my sudden outburst. Sunday, February 20, 2011
this song is so meaningful. and beyonce's vocal is, WOW. yeah and old song, i know. but when i hear it again it really touched my heart. and guess where i heard it ? at work, having my toilet break doing my business in the cubicle. really, i swear. donno why isetan now play songs by beyonce, rihanna and lady gaga and most of them are sad love songs. weird right ?! i think Isetan got dumped by Tangs ah. ahahha, k lame. lyrics yaw ! (: You're everything i thought you never were And nothing like i thought you could of been But still, you live inside of me So tell me how is that? You're the only one i wish i could forget The only one i love to not forgive And though you break my heart Your the only one [Bridge] And though there are times then i hate you Cause i cant erase The times that you hurt me And put tears on my face And even noe while i hate you, It pains me to say i know i'll be there at the end of the day [Chorus] I dont wanna be without you baby I dont wanna broken heart Dont wanna take a breath without you babe i dont wanna play that part i know that i love you But let me just say i dont wanna love you in no kind of way, no no I dont wanna broken heart And i dont wanna play the broken hearted girl No-o, No-oo No broken hearted girl im no broken hearted girl There's something that i feel i need to say But up to now i've always been afraid That you, would never come around And still i wanna put this out You say you got the most respect for me But sometimes i feel your not deserving me And still you're in my heart But you're the only one [Bridge 2] and yes, there are times when i hate you But i dont complain Cause i've been afraid that you would walk away Oh but now i dont hate you, im happy to say that i will be there at the end of the day [Chorus] Now im at a place i thought i'd never be Im living in a world that all about you and me Yeahh Ain't gonna be afraid my broken heart is free Just spread my wings and fly away Away with you~ yeah, yeah, yeah [Chorus 2] I dont wanna be without my baby I dont wanna broken heart Dont wanna take a breath without my baby i dont wanna play that part i know that i love you But let me just say i dont wanna love you in no kind of way, no no I dont wanna broken heart i dont wanna play the broken hearted girl No-o, No-oo No broken hearted girl Broken hearted girl No-o Nooo No broken hearted girl No broken hearted girl  im glad everything is settled. it makes it easier to move on and not let it left hanging like that. though i didnt get the icing on the cake, its okay. (: i cant wait for the 26th! cause its Cycling with friends at Ubin! but i think they gonna close Chek Jawa cause there's too much damage done already. ok off to work soon ! byeeeee (: it suddenly seems like the first few days of getting to know each other again Saturday, February 19, 2011
i cant do it, im not strong enough. i told you before that i cant live without you. you think, im exagerating when i say that? i wasnt, okay. i really meant it. now i dont see any motive in life. i dont see why i should carry on when im gonna cry till my eyes popped out till the day i die. i can never replace you with anybody else. right now, it just doesnt seem right that i'm text messaging someone else other then you. i want you back soo badly. you have no idea how much i miss you. but i can't and i won't. i wanna stay as friends, good friends would be better, bestfriends would be the best. i dont care if just looking at your face would feel like my heart was stabbed a million times, as long as i know i get to talk and laugh with you and know that you're doing well. tell me about the new girl you will meet, i wanna know all about it, i'll even give you my best opinion, just dont completely abandoned me. i'd rather take the pain being close with you, rather then then the pain being completely abandoned by you. just stay, please. Friday, February 18, 2011
 i still sleep with the bear i still sleep with the bolster i still use our ring i still use the watch you gave me i still sleep using your red tshirt i still have the rose i still havent eaten the Toblerone you gave i still have the wrapper of the previous chocolate you gave i still have your picture in my wallet i still keep our movie tickets i still keep the paper hearts i still keep your messages i still have your hiccup video and most importantly, i still have you in a special place in my heart ♥♥♥ Thursday, February 17, 2011
  The reason why i love my friends (: Remember? Roses are red Violets are blue You might be a donkey But i still love you i'l climb some stairs To see your flat hair But all that was there Was a cute little hare So i drag myself down With a huge ass frown Thinking of you Is all i can do So i sat by the swing Wonder if i should ring And then you came With a huge diamond ring My knees went weak As i tried to speak It was harder then a test But the answer is Yes I jumped up high Hoping for a hug But all i get Was a painful thud I'd fallen from my bed ! It was just a dream I felt so silly So silly of me Happy Birthday Annoying as you'll ever be You'll always be a part of me I don't know what i'll do If it hadn't been for you Rain or Shine You'll always be mine I don't know what is it about your touch That made me love you so much Wednesday, February 16, 2011
 im suffering from a disease. They call it,POST BREAK UP SYNDROME.
but no doubt, im at the tip of my toes and at the very top of the hill; anytime i could lose my balance and fall flat at my face. but like i said, as long as people around me stays happy, it doenst matter. im not sure if i'll survive. i could barely eat or drink. i see food, its not even tempting. me? nurfaizah is not eating? something must be very wrong. all this while, i thought people just "pretended" they cant eat when they're sad, cause i just couldnt understand; dont they feel hungry? but now, i face it too, its not that sad people "pretended" not to be hungry. i am really not hungry, sometimes the thought to eat just doesnt seem to cross my mind. but still, like i said, as long as people around me stays happy, it doenst matter. but nonetheless, i have great friends to distract myself so that i wont think too much. i might laugh very loud, smile as wide as ever, skip around looking ever so happy like as if im flying with the stars, but inside, im a mess. a huge mess. the knot in my stomach never seems to untie; it just gets tighter and tighter, and my heart is constantly aching and the need to burst is so very overwhelming but no, i'll just pretend everything is under control cause like i said, as long as people around me stays happy, it doenst matter. things might be over, but i'll never be able to forget about you. |
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i'm smiling
In my heart |
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